Buy a monkey a bucket of chicken and have a barrel of fun with it

Buy a monkey a bucket of chicken and have a barrel of fun with it

Paradox

Here I am at the office,alone in the station. I look to my left and I realize my workmate won’t be coming here anymore. Yesterday he already gave his stuff to me: a pencil holder mug, a blue flower tape measure and a half-dead flash drive. I’ve always thought I hated him but at that moment sadness struck me. The hate army will now be a soldier too few.I sip my coffee, trying to stuff myself with something. I am usually hungry in the morning so breakfast is a must, but today I just drank a cold glass of water and went off. I feel sick but I have to go to work, I have to earn money. I need money.

I am terribly disoriented. There’s just too many things that are happening in my life and somehow I feel like I can’t keep up. People are leaving while I feel stuck. Should I blame my tendencies to care too much? Some people may not know this, but I am a person that lacks a caring nature. Almost all the time I just listen and tell the usual things a caring person should be saying, but that’s about it. I care with a mask, with bland words of what should be said. This is a flaw I have realized and admitted just now. I pretend to care when I really don’t I’m really just apathetic.Yes, I am apathetic but on the contrary I also have the tendency to care too much for about a small number of the people around me.

Caring too much-what is it? In my case, I can define caring too much as being able to do/say certain things that my apathetic self wouldn’t normally do. I do foolish things for a person even if I don’t get anything from it, even if I get hurt from it. I had been ignored, forgotten and left behind and yet I still care; I still try reaching out. Caring too much means forgetting my pride, throwing it aside and blind myself before I realize what a stab it would be for my ego. But right now, in this case, I’m caring too much of what I will leave behind. I am a person with extreme endings, I am a paradox. Feeling the extremes is something I just joke about but as I get to know myself more, I have a fear it could be true.

I feel lonely right now; having mixed emotions of being left behind and wanting to follow.I am talking in a general sense; it’s not just about my workmate leaving. I want to move on and grow up but first I should chase, catch, and nail my Peter Pan shadow down. Should I give it a try? To not care too much so I can move on and grow up? .

Things are hazy and vague. Sadness is around but I will never be pinned down, it shall pass.Until the road is clear and I can think more sensibly, I’ll keep on fighting.

-Love, love, and love some more.-

annama

Back to Blogging

Konnichiwa!

It’s been a long time since I have blogged. I’ve stopped blogging on my blogspot account since last year and I have to admit that I really miss it. I never really thought of starting a new weblog again since yesterday when me and my good “Lele” friends catlovesfish (Pat) and ohhlalove (George) thought of creating a group blog about our “Lele” Adventures.

*Curious about the true meaning of “Lele”? Check out our blog @ http://www.lelelove.wordpress.com

Starting this new account is definitely refreshing. It really really is. I am excited.

I’m planning to focus this blog for my artwork updates; I just feel more secure posting my personal artworks within a safe sphere where people will really comment on what they think. I just hope this will be a good start in extending my network in terms of art and also other interesting things.

I hope to be able to update a nice artwork soon! Until then, love, laugh, and love some more! ^_^

-annama